sigh…

It’s disappointing when people who you never ask for much in the way of favours or support let you down when you do actually ask them for something. These are the same people that you never say ‘no’ to and who you are always there for.

Oh well, what can you do…

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope  –  Martin Luther King, Jr.

happy father’s day

I hope all the Dad’s are having a lovely day.

I came across this lovely poem during the week and thought I’d share it today.

Walk a little slower, Daddy,” said a child so small.

“I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast, sometimes they’re hard to see;

So walk a little slower, Daddy, for you are leading me.

Someday, when I am all grown up, you’re what I want to be.

Then I will have a little child who’ll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right, and know that I was true;

So walk a little slower, Daddy, for I must follow you.”

– Author unknown –

Walk a little slower, Daddy,” said a child so small.
“I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall.
Sometimes your steps are very fast, sometimes they’re hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy, for you are leading me.
Someday, when I am all grown up, you’re what I want to be.
Then I will have a little child who’ll want to follow me.
And I would want to lead just right, and know that I was true;
So walk a little slower, Daddy, for I must follow you.”
– Author unknown –

The Firsts

It’s almost Father’s Day. I’ve been almost unbearably sad for the past month or so. To the point where I’m thinking I need to see my doctor about possible depression.

Then I realise it’s almost Father’s Day. The first Father’s Day in 40 years where I haven’t been excited about buying a card and present, ringing my Dad or organising a trip home to see him. I have no Dad to call or see. It breaks my heart just a little bit more. I miss him so very much.

They say you have to go through all the “Firsts” after someone dies – the first Christmas without them, the first birthday, the first anniversary, the first whatever… there seems to be so many of them!

Dad died in November. His birthday is in November. Father’s Day in September. Christmas in December. Mum and Dad’s wedding anniversary in November (would have been 56 years this year). I can’t bear to think about it all at once, it’s too much.

It’s strange. I don’t feel that I’m thinking about what’s coming up all the time but it must be subconscious because I’ve really been thinking of Dad a lot lately and really really missing him so much. I dug out an old photo of him from when I was a teenager, one that I always loved. I’ve clipped it to the current page of my diary and I move it each morning as I turn the page. I want to have him with me. I need to have him with me. God, I miss him.

I suppose this is me for the rest of the year. We had our first Christmas last year and it was awful but I think we were all still numb because it was only a little over a month after Dad died. I think this one will be worse if possible.

If I’m this sad, what isn’t Mum telling me?